Love · prose · quote · ramblings · self love · Uncategorized · Writing

Appreciate Yourself

You don’t have to be soft and fragile and sweet, you can be hard and edgy and bitter. I know your eye lashes aren’t long enough and your eyes don’t exactly hhsparkle. Your skin flakes and your lips get chapped; you’re all kinds of flaws bundled into a package. You laugh loud and sit awkwardly and put flowers in your hair to make yourself feel pretty. You ask yourself questions you can’t answer, you lie to yourself too. You break hearts including your own again and again. You cry ugly then wipe your own tears.
So what if your eyes don’t hold stars and your smile is kinda wonky? So what if you don’t talk a lot and have a few friends? So what if you’re a hopeless romantic and he doesn’t want you? You’re bitten nails and messy hair and an unhealthy addiction to chocolate. There’s no other way to be you. You’re fucking art, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.


Originally posted on instagram:

depression · Poetry · prose · quote · sadness · Uncategorized · Writing

I want to hurt somebody like I’ve been hurt, far too many times to count. I want to make someone feel invisible, like I have so many times. I want to forget people’s names so they know what it is like to not be worthy enough to be remembered.

I want to dig deep into someone’s chest and wrench their hearts out. To pull and gnaw at their skins, to cause blisters and wounds like the ones that cover my body. I want to make someone feel so cold and miserable that they’d think it would be impossible to feel warm again. I want to make someone feel so bad about themselves that they’d want to rip out of their skins. I want to yank out their hair and tear apart their nails; I want to cause them so much pain they’d begin to wonder why they were alive in the first place.

Then I’d ask. I’d ask all the questions.

Does it feel good?
Did you like that?
Want me to do that again?

I’d smile to myself when they will answer ‘no’ to all of them. I’d laugh and cackle. I’d laugh like I have no heart. I’d laugh like it doesn’t affect me, like it doesn’t affect them;  like they laugh at me when I say ‘no’.

But I’d do neither of these things because I know all too well how it feels.

body image · depression · eating disorder · eating disorder awareness · fat · fat people · fight · Infinity · Poem · Poetry · positive body image · prose · quote · self love · Talent · Uncategorized · World · Writing

Promoting positive body image? I don’t think so.

There’s just one thing I want to say to all those ‘fitness freaks’ out there who are trying to “help” and “assist” the fat and overweight people in the world by putting up pretentious videos on how one should care enough about themselves to want to lose weight and live a “healthier” life. These self-righteous dicks verbally attack (“nicely”, of course) fat and overweight people on how they should work towards improving their lives by eating less and eating healthy and should quit “bitching” and “whining “ about it.

Well let me just start by saying, first of all, who fucking asked your help? Did anyone ask the multiple thousand Youtubers/ Viners/’thin’ people generally, to let us know what they think about us and how we should be improving our lives? I could, on behalf of most of the fat and overweight people, easily say NO. Unless you are a doctor or a nutritionist or a health advisor and somebody has come up to you to ask on how to improve their lifestyles, I don’t think anyone has given you any right to make thousands of videos on the internet to “help” us towards a “better” life. And I am not talking about the videos that contain diet plans and exercise routines or self-helps that actually do help people; but those which usually have the face of a caked up blonde girl standing in her bedroom and looking all sexy and stuff out to save the world one person at a time; or some jerk who just hit the gym and felt like he must make a video (showing off his muscular arms) to help ‘motivate’ fat people towards bettering themselves, because if he won’t help them, then who will?.  I, personally, feel attacked by such videos because why always the fat people? Why always the overweight people? What about the too-thin ones? What about the thin and unhealthy ones? What about those who are unhygienic? What about all the other million types of problems that people have and can be “controlled”, like they say?

Second of all, being fat and overweight is not something you can control all the time. So unless you don’t know the medical background of an obese person, YOU do not have any reason to bitch and whine about it. Telling fat people to get off their ass and go exercise is easier said than done. What they fail to understand that there are many fat people in the world who are both fat and fit (I read an article in Readers’ Digest related to this, and the author showed the real meaning of positive body image than these narcissistic assholes). This is because many overweight people DO workout regularly because they want to lose some of the excess fat. It is not always their fault that they are born with slow metabolisms and will gain weight easily (as opposed to their skinny friends who probably eat twice as much). Being fat is sometimes something your body has chosen for you and despite not eating excessively , sometimes that’s just how your body shape will be (unless you undergo excessive crash diets), so losing weight is not an easy job. Of course it may sound easy if some fit Youtuber makes a video on how fat people should lose weight (granted that she is fit and stuff, but maybe her metabolism doesn’t bail on her all the time). Some people suffer from hormonal problems, some people do not have the physical ability to work out and some people’s body just does not cooperate (unless they go to great extents; which in my opinion is not really fair, unless they are doing it willingly, or after being advised by a DOCTOR).

Also, when will issues like being “too” thin be addressed publicly? You cannot surely tell me that starving one’s self is okay? Because essentially that is how anorexia and bulimia starts. How come when I Google anorexia it comes as a ‘disease’ or ‘disorder’, but while searching up overweight, it is simply caused by an act of overeating or eating more than required. Quite biased I must say. And don’t you dare try to call anorexia and bulimia ‘psychological’ problems, because if they can be addressed as related to mental health, then so can being fat. Because, let me tell you, yes, eating can also be addiction, just like binging and purging and starvation. Also, many depressed individuals ‘stress eat’ which results in weight gain and must be addressed similarly to any other mental disability. So next time when you tell a fat person to ‘just go and lose some fucking weight’, go tell an anorexic patient to ‘just start eating’ and a bulimic to ‘quit throwing up their food’.

To anyone who is reading this and carries the same mentality as those people in the videos, these are not excuses. This is just a post to tell you that don’t give us your help by making such videos if nobody asked you to. Get off the internet if this is how you promote ‘self love’ and ‘positive body image’, because I know for sure it’s not making anyone feel better but yourself because you probably think you are helping someone.

Next time you tell a fat person that they should lose weight because it could lead to heart diseases and high blood pressure and high cholesterol then make another video to go with it for smokers, drug addicts, and those who were healthy, fit, lean and muscular, and STILL got all the medical problems. Because I do not like to feel like I’m being attacked, especially by those people who are trying to ‘help’ me.

PS: This is not an attack on thin, skinny, anorexic or bulimic people. I’m just trying to make a point.