eating disorder · eating disorder awareness · Poem · Poetry · prose · Writing

Heave

Disheveled hair cascade down swollen cheeks,
skin cracked, looking like a corpse so void of life
Bile rises up her throat, searing her raw broken skin
Each wretched heave like a stab from a blunt knife

Clutching her ribs, she bends down in front of the bowl
Belching, releasing all what was left inside
Slowly with the substances, her life too seeps out
As the feelings of disgust slowly begin to subside

Her muscles ache, eating away at one another
Fingers lingering across the layer of fat still there
She silently wills for it leave her forsaken body, as she does everyday
Energy dying, She bends down, searching for a prayer

This addiction has left her weak and tired,
As day after day she spends in this melancholic room
Picture perfect is all she wants to look like
As she slowly drowns herself in grief and gloom

Tear stained cheeks with dried mascara look into the mirror
Numb, Stretch marks is all she sees across her thigh
Not noticing the dimple at her back, or the graceful dip of her waist
she taunts her image, with a laugh so scornful and wry

The back of her throat holds scratches from fingernails digging deep
As the muscles of her stomach scream against the pain, searching for relief
Her body begs for food; food which stays for more than an hour
The vessel of a body, now fed by only grief

Supposed to be anesthetic, the habit slowly becomes her poison
Eating away at her, damaging both her physical and mental health
Drowning in an ocean of abhorrence and self loath
Feelings of distaste, now her only wealth

All she feels are her thighs touching, her bones not evident
As she longs to leave this prison of a mind
Having herself convinced, that she is as unappealing as her eyes see
Some sort of acceptance, she struggles to find

The world fights against bullies, unaware that the real bully is one’s own self
As insults and names from her own brain drown her, leaving her searching for the shore
Could these words be worse than bulimic or anorexic?
All she knows is that she possesses an imperfect body, aching muscles and a throat so sore

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